Surviving the Collateral Damage of Toxic Personalities…
Malignant narcissism doesn’t belong to you. Yet, it’s up to you to move beyond the scars to your self-esteem, and to your mental health. To reclaim your confidence and restore your sense of self-worth. Healing is an inside job.
You’ll need to go within.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
…such a beautiful quote by Eleanor Roosevelt
Yet, for victims of narcissistic behavior, feeling inferior isn’t actually a choice. It’s ingrained into us. It’s learned. Often, it’s the product of toxic relationships with people we’ve trusted, opened our hearts to… been crushed by.
Perhaps, though, there is a choice. To move beyond the pain, actively seek help, and heal the brokenness.
Narcissists can and do destroy the lives of those around them.
These parasites of society erode your self-esteem and destroy your mental health.
They’ll do it with such stealth as to make you feel that you are the one that is letting them down.
And we, well… we believe them.
”We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.” Anais Nin
We perceive the world through the lens of our experience.
For good… and unfortunately, for less than good.
Narcissists will look at a trusting person and see them as weak, someone to take advantage of, to manipulate – someone to conquer.
But the truth of the matter is that there’s strength in vulnerability. It takes incredible courage to trust. The malignant narcissist knows this, and will work hard to destroy yours. Empathy – your greatest strength and a large component of your own moral bias and mental health, is sadly lacking in these societal parasites.
There is, however, a fail-safe method of recognizing narcissists. They manipulate others by preying upon their fears.
If someone comes into your life that directly or indirectly makes you nervous or fearful, do not buy into their rhetoric.
But, perhaps you have already?
They are KING at convincing. (and conniving).
And it’s only in hindsight that you recognize the truth?
You’re not alone.
Even smart, savvy executives and governments have been duped. Tricked… Damaged. In these cases, more than mental health ravages are at stake.
Psychologist and Author Martha Stout, a 25-year instructor at Harvard Medical School, wrote a book “The Sociopath Next Door”. In it, she estimates that as many as 4% of the population are sociopathic… people without empathy or conscience. They feel no affection for humans or animals. Seemingly not a large percentage, but it equates to 12,000,000 people in the US alone.
The University of Surrey in 2005 performed studies on the incidence of sociopathy among CEO’s.
Although the comparative terminology of CEO’s and Sociopaths differed, the essence was similar.
Superficial charm wears a mask of charisma. Grandiosity can be mistaken for confidence. So too, the impression of one who is influential actually rests in their capacity for manipulation. Con artists may be seen as merely persuasive. Impulsivity might be heralded as effective risk taking. An ability to make tough decisions may be predicated upon a very real emotional poverty that disregards the feelings of everyone within the sociopath’s orbit.
While these characteristics may be considered positive to a corporate bottom line, on a personal level they are devastating.
Do you recognize those traits in someone who has hurt you?
Those of us who feel deeply committed to the well-being of others, who draw upon our empathy wherever we see suffering, are fair game for those who would prey on our perceived emotional “weakness”.
It’s not our fault. It’s not your fault.
They own this. We don’t.
Sociopaths and narcissists are experts at contriving believable platitudes, feigned charms, and convincing lies. They are masters of deception. Their intent? To use us as pawns to meet their own agenda. Let’s face it. Any sentient being, any empathetic soul – is an easy target for these types.
Fear, dread, even a subtle anxiety that is hard to shake, all are clues. Try to recognize fear for what it is… a manipulation that throws us off-center, beckoning us into a vortex of lies and deception, brainwashing us into believing to our core that we are the misguided.
Don’t buy into their deception..
We are the healthy ones. We can, and will, heal.
With help, of course.
That shame you may feel in having fallen prey? Banish it. That shame is theirs too.
Try to surround yourself with people who uplift you, those who mirror back your own empathetic way of being. Healing the ravages of life after narcissism is possible within a heart-centered network of both professionals and peers that will lead you back to wholeness.
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
Dr Wayne Dyer
Re-frame your mindset. Restore your wholeness. Rediscover your worthiness.
You be you.
Changed, but not broken.
Stronger. Supported. Secure.
If you, or someone you love is suffering with mental health challenges as a result of a toxic relationship, consider professional counselling. Help is always within reach.
For an in depth tutorial on reducing stress and restoring your self esteem
watch for my tutorial - Becoming Zen.
Namaste – You’re loved and valued, don’t ever forget.
To your mental health!
Comments